Letter to the Black Woman
As a black woman in America who has faced racial and financial inequality, workplace discrimination, historical and generational oppression, microaggressions, societal stereotypes and personal trauma, I know firsthand what it is like to walk through life pushing emotions down with a smile on your face, portraying the strong black woman society perceives you to be. I remember my best friend asking me “what brings me happiness”. A question that I could not answer for myself, a question that every time I began to answer I realized was associated with something or someone else. Nothing that I could define for myself. As I began to peel back the layers, I quickly realized not only did I not know what happiness was for me, I didn’t even know myself. I had fallen into a mold of black womanhood that I thought I was supposed to model.
If we can understand the historical context of black women, then we will better understand the challenges black women face as it relates to our mental health and day to day lived experiences. Mammy, Jezebel, and Sapphire are three historical stereotypical narratives of black women that have been adopted by and passed down thru society and generations. Mammy, depicted as the selfless caregiver that prioritized caring for white families and their children. This stereotype of the Black women prioritizing everyone’s care over her own, being selfless, self-sacrificing, and emotionless eventually morphed into the Strong Black Woman schema. Then we have Jezebel, which also originated during slavery as a way for white men to justify rapes and sexual assaults of Black women. In modern day some black women are seen as sexual objects lacking emotions. Last is Sapphire or the angry black woman, described as emasculating, harsh, loud, rude/ill mannered, demanding and heartless un-needing of care. The theme in all these stereotypes is black women being undeserving of space for emotions, care or self. To combat these unconscious negative beliefs of and about black women, we must understand the history and challenge these stereotypes and impacts they have on our mental health.
From caretakers, wives, mothers, fixers, counsel, mom and dad to siblings, businesswomen, and the overall rock of the entire family (including extended family), the black woman has been everything to everyone but herself. Consequently, as a continuation of the stereotypes black women have been modeled and unintentionally adopted, we self-silence. Loading our bags with heavy rocks such as sexual assault, loss, physical/verbal/mental abuse, discrimination, addiction, heartbreak, inadequacy, just to name a few, as we continue to mask and mute our needs. Continuing to carry this heavy bag of rocks is not sustainable, and often leads to depression, anxiety, chronic pain, autoimmune issues and even loss of self/identity.
Black woman, how are you? Do you even know the deep intrinsic parts of who you truly are? Do you know who you are outside of the many hats you wear, the responsibilities you carry, or who society has said you should be? Prioritizing your mental health offers a path to discover YOU, to break free of the chains that may be holding you hostage to stereotypes and false expectations.
As a black female therapist my desire is to help black women discover themselves. Therapy offers tools and coping skills to help navigate the many life stressors you may be juggling from day to day. Therapy also opens the door for deep healing as you begin to unpack all those “rocks”. A safe and nonjudgmental environment dedicated completely for you to consume every second and inch of the space. To discover the beauty of walking unapologetically in your natural beauty, spirituality, identity and purpose. To unburden yourself of the expectations of who everyone thinks or needs you to be. This type of discovery is coupled with a newfound level of freedom and peace that many have never experienced before. I want to help facilitate this discovery, to help you, black woman, unload that heavy load, one rock at a time.
Whether you’re the:
the strong friend
the only black woman in the board room dodging daily micro-aggressions
the black woman tirelessly code switching in the workplace in order to fit in
the married single mother
the “go to” or responsible sibling/family member
the financial carrier of your family
the misunderstood black woman still struggling through her traumas
the grieving black woman forced to wear a smile every day
the motherless black woman trying to navigate your transition into womanhood
the black woman trying to break patterns of broken relationships
the confident black woman miscategorized as an “angry black woman”…..
There’s space for your healing and discovery. You no longer must carry these heavy rocks!! It’s time for ease, rest and living a life that you deserve. It’s time to take back your power, be in control of your own narrative as you rewrite your story.
It’s time to take up space Sis!
Love,
Kim Goston, APC
Black, Female, Therapist